So, I really had a few crappy weeks. Anxiety pushing through my meds, even some near panic situations.. arguably a few notches less than before, but uncomfortable and disablingly frustrating for sure.
Had some counseling yesterday and was givin this poem by Portia Nelson.
I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost...I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in... it's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
V
I walk down another street.
END
I like it. I like how fault changes. I like how time in the hole changes. I like the awareness that comes alive.
I think I'm somewhere in stanza II. I pretend I don't see the hole, I fall in, and it still takes time to get out. It pisses me off, but I need to chill because its not my fault. I also see stanza III coming. I want to accept fault, I want to fight the habit, and I want to learn to get out immediately.
I can't wait to walk down another street....
Showing posts with label anxiety medication. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anxiety medication. Show all posts
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
What I think about the "hanging on of my mind" to anxiety and panic attacks
Yesterday I wrote of the feelings I'm having as anxiety medications work their magic on me, yet my mind and habits still put up the good fight to remain in their old ways. In fact, I find that as I get a little used to the meds, the brain is adapting and can in fact cause a little anxiety.. luckily not so much as to create a panic attack.. thank you Xanax.. but definitely anxious thoughts and hesitation to do things that cause me these feelings, now and in the past.
One thing I was offered in medical therapy was to increase my dose of anti anxiety medications. And the old me.. the not necessarily good me that resisted assistance for over 10 years, kind of rejected the idea because I am in fact improving.. though it was notated in my records that I should take one additional dose per day if I feel the need. The realistic me that has been seeing the early effects, though, later wondered if maybe I need to be more open to suggestions like this. I did relate my experiences to my nurse honestly, and this was her evaluation, maybe a little bit more meds. I need to remember that I cannot and did not help or cure myself on my own, and maybe I should take suggestions more readily. You know, if I get a little too much, I can always back up, but sometimes when you're searching for the right dose, maybe you will go a little too far. How can you know your limits unless you look over the edge... so to speak.
But for now I remain on the same dose. 3 times .5 Xanax per day. and 10mg of Lexapro. And it helps me greatly. But I wonder if the resistance even to help I finally accepted is in fact a type of anxiety, because I'm not "Doing the Work"... which I will write about tomorrow.
Thank you for reading, and I hope maybe someone might be getting something from this. I know it has been soul cleansing to get my thoughts out of my head and onto this blog.
Have a great day.
Dave
One thing I was offered in medical therapy was to increase my dose of anti anxiety medications. And the old me.. the not necessarily good me that resisted assistance for over 10 years, kind of rejected the idea because I am in fact improving.. though it was notated in my records that I should take one additional dose per day if I feel the need. The realistic me that has been seeing the early effects, though, later wondered if maybe I need to be more open to suggestions like this. I did relate my experiences to my nurse honestly, and this was her evaluation, maybe a little bit more meds. I need to remember that I cannot and did not help or cure myself on my own, and maybe I should take suggestions more readily. You know, if I get a little too much, I can always back up, but sometimes when you're searching for the right dose, maybe you will go a little too far. How can you know your limits unless you look over the edge... so to speak.
But for now I remain on the same dose. 3 times .5 Xanax per day. and 10mg of Lexapro. And it helps me greatly. But I wonder if the resistance even to help I finally accepted is in fact a type of anxiety, because I'm not "Doing the Work"... which I will write about tomorrow.
Thank you for reading, and I hope maybe someone might be getting something from this. I know it has been soul cleansing to get my thoughts out of my head and onto this blog.
Have a great day.
Dave
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Hanging on to Anxiety and Panic Attacks
Ok, so I'm a month into anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications.
A little longer on the cognitive therapy.
And I will say that on scales of 1 to 10, the medications are definitely an 8 or 9, while the cognitive therapy part is kind of a 1.. maybe 2 on some days. I guess that is to be expected, and it's too bad the goal is to be medication free.
That makes sense, though I do not have ill effects of the medication that I hear and read some people having, it clearly should be the goal to be healthy and balanced without medications except where unavoidable of course.
And thats what my thoughts are lately. Early on the medications start making the change. I was immediately much more relaxed, sleeping more, and better, and more of what I remember to be 'normal', if there is such a thing.
But my mind still tries to hang on. In other words... it knows what is supposed to make me anxious, and what and when I'm supposed to have panic attacks... and it still begins and tries to instigate the same old things.
I find this extremely interesting. Is there an underlying reason for all this? Is this why I couldn't get over this myself for 12 years, because I didn't want to? Or at least my mind didn't know how to, which is what I hope the case turns out to be.
As I've said in my previous posts.. I am feeling better as a whole. I've started having hopeful feelings, desires, and generally a more positive outlook. And I will say that these feelings cause a whole new set of issues in the fact that now I'm frustrated that I'm not THERE, or why am I HERE? When you're at the PIT of depression from all this unbearable anxiety and panic, not having hope is kind of a relief.
I'm hoping that as I regress from "the pit" that these feelings are just the way out... similar to hiking a trail, and of course on the way back you're going to see the same sights, generally speaking.
But for now, I feel better, but not fixed.. which is a brand new feeling that I'm trying to figure out how to handle, and what it means.
Is anybody out there? :)
A little longer on the cognitive therapy.
And I will say that on scales of 1 to 10, the medications are definitely an 8 or 9, while the cognitive therapy part is kind of a 1.. maybe 2 on some days. I guess that is to be expected, and it's too bad the goal is to be medication free.
That makes sense, though I do not have ill effects of the medication that I hear and read some people having, it clearly should be the goal to be healthy and balanced without medications except where unavoidable of course.
And thats what my thoughts are lately. Early on the medications start making the change. I was immediately much more relaxed, sleeping more, and better, and more of what I remember to be 'normal', if there is such a thing.
But my mind still tries to hang on. In other words... it knows what is supposed to make me anxious, and what and when I'm supposed to have panic attacks... and it still begins and tries to instigate the same old things.
I find this extremely interesting. Is there an underlying reason for all this? Is this why I couldn't get over this myself for 12 years, because I didn't want to? Or at least my mind didn't know how to, which is what I hope the case turns out to be.
As I've said in my previous posts.. I am feeling better as a whole. I've started having hopeful feelings, desires, and generally a more positive outlook. And I will say that these feelings cause a whole new set of issues in the fact that now I'm frustrated that I'm not THERE, or why am I HERE? When you're at the PIT of depression from all this unbearable anxiety and panic, not having hope is kind of a relief.
I'm hoping that as I regress from "the pit" that these feelings are just the way out... similar to hiking a trail, and of course on the way back you're going to see the same sights, generally speaking.
But for now, I feel better, but not fixed.. which is a brand new feeling that I'm trying to figure out how to handle, and what it means.
Is anybody out there? :)
Monday, May 17, 2010
Anxiety Medications and Anti Depressants
Ok..so I posted my "sorry I was gone post", and I feel pretty decent today... for a guy who can't walk, and I want to get back to business.
I've been on Lexapro for about 3 full weeks now. And during this time I've been taking .5 of Xanax, 3 times a day.
First off.. I do not feel drugged, though I am sleeping a little more than I used to. I make no excuses.. being anxious will flat wear you out.
I don't even feel the slightest bit unclear in my ability to think or operate.
What I have been feeling is an inability to get stressed out, freaked out, or just downright get down on myself. In fact, talking to a friend about "Woe is me".. I finally decide to get medical help for my Anxiety and Panic Disorder, now I get this Skin infection.. wah wah wah.. and what I finally said was "And what sucks is I can't get really depressed because of the damn meds" Hahaha.
Talk about taking one smack between the eyes. And that's how it's been.
Also being an agoraphobic person in varying degrees, I'm finding that it's more difficult to "honor" my minds desire to ramp me up about things. I feel it, I'm aware of it's thinking patterns, and that part of me WANTS to go through the actions it's so accustomed to taking. Problem is, I can't physically produce the symptoms. I did almost take about 10 breaths that were those anxious types. I was home alone, dealing with all this pain of the staph infection, it was late, and I just needed to have a panic attack. I was doing the normal thinking patterns. All the outward necessities were met.. and somehow being the strong person I think I am, I worked up about 10 anxious breaths. You know.. too long.. too close together... too deep.. too forced. And that was it.
I rolled over, watched TV until I fell asleep, and woke up nice and refreshed at 5:30 to find my room mate in bed. I didn't count down the minutes until he returned, I didn't even notice his return.
I'm really pissed at this damn staph infection when I finally decide to deal with my major mental issues. But I'm very happy about how the medication is working, and how I'm aware of my minds efforts to contribute to my old ways. I honestly think I'm going to be able to get this!
So there's my 3 week report. A lot better than I ever thought 3 weeks could be... remember in week 1, I really thought I was wasting my time.
Stick with it. Just Do It!
Btw, found this interesting fellow posting on youtube.com about anxiety, and I like what he says and how he says it. If you want a link, drop me a line or a comment and I'll get back to you.
I've been on Lexapro for about 3 full weeks now. And during this time I've been taking .5 of Xanax, 3 times a day.
First off.. I do not feel drugged, though I am sleeping a little more than I used to. I make no excuses.. being anxious will flat wear you out.
I don't even feel the slightest bit unclear in my ability to think or operate.
What I have been feeling is an inability to get stressed out, freaked out, or just downright get down on myself. In fact, talking to a friend about "Woe is me".. I finally decide to get medical help for my Anxiety and Panic Disorder, now I get this Skin infection.. wah wah wah.. and what I finally said was "And what sucks is I can't get really depressed because of the damn meds" Hahaha.
Talk about taking one smack between the eyes. And that's how it's been.
Also being an agoraphobic person in varying degrees, I'm finding that it's more difficult to "honor" my minds desire to ramp me up about things. I feel it, I'm aware of it's thinking patterns, and that part of me WANTS to go through the actions it's so accustomed to taking. Problem is, I can't physically produce the symptoms. I did almost take about 10 breaths that were those anxious types. I was home alone, dealing with all this pain of the staph infection, it was late, and I just needed to have a panic attack. I was doing the normal thinking patterns. All the outward necessities were met.. and somehow being the strong person I think I am, I worked up about 10 anxious breaths. You know.. too long.. too close together... too deep.. too forced. And that was it.
I rolled over, watched TV until I fell asleep, and woke up nice and refreshed at 5:30 to find my room mate in bed. I didn't count down the minutes until he returned, I didn't even notice his return.
I'm really pissed at this damn staph infection when I finally decide to deal with my major mental issues. But I'm very happy about how the medication is working, and how I'm aware of my minds efforts to contribute to my old ways. I honestly think I'm going to be able to get this!
So there's my 3 week report. A lot better than I ever thought 3 weeks could be... remember in week 1, I really thought I was wasting my time.
Stick with it. Just Do It!
Btw, found this interesting fellow posting on youtube.com about anxiety, and I like what he says and how he says it. If you want a link, drop me a line or a comment and I'll get back to you.
Carbuncle, Boils, and Staph. OUCH
Sorry for the disappearance, but the title says it all. I acquired a skin infection that got a little out of control and in fact had me quite worried before I finally turned a corner and it seems I'm on the way out.
Let me give you a piece of advice... don't touch them, don't try to pop them, don't squeeze them. PERIOD. After I learned this..... the hard way... I quickly turned the corner.
But boy, let me tell you.. the infection started on my butt cheek, about top of crack high, and about an inch outta the "valley"... and when it got inflamed.."Angry" you might say.. WOW did I have a few dark nights of the soul. I can tell you right now that if I hadn't started these anti anxiety and depression meds that I would have flat out FLIPPED. 5150. Panic Attack supreme. And I still almost did.
If you ever get them, and like me you are averse to DRs... look em up online. I did that, and I also called a local service called "Ask a Nurse".
Don't Touch.
Keep clean, washing many times daily with anti bacterial soap.
Don't Touch.
Keep covered, they are HIGHLY contagious.
Wash hands after dealing with it.
Don't TOUCH, Squeeze, push, pinch, spread, itch. No matter what.
Change clothes in the infected area daily, same with bed clothes.
Wash often in HOT, boiling if possible, water.
Don't share towels, razors, wash clothes, or any other hygiene items with anyone else.
And there are plenty more.
I'm finally feeling better. Besides the quarter sized DENT in my ass.. the last thing I'm dealing with is a TEENY TINY little one I thought I could man-handle and pop on my knee. DON'T do it. I woke up the next day barely able to walk. Thankfully, it too is healing.
I will tell you, I'm a very clean person. But my new room mate is not, and in the state of my depression I had gotten very lax.... ie, not showering every single day.. layin around in the same sweat pants for a few days.. not changing the sheets often enough. Well, lesson learned. We're back to healthy hygiene around here!
Hope to get back on schedule.
And hey, if you have a friend who might like my stories, please send them by. Would like to get a few readers so we can start some discussions, maybe some guest posting, or whatever can come of it. Thanks!
Let me give you a piece of advice... don't touch them, don't try to pop them, don't squeeze them. PERIOD. After I learned this..... the hard way... I quickly turned the corner.
But boy, let me tell you.. the infection started on my butt cheek, about top of crack high, and about an inch outta the "valley"... and when it got inflamed.."Angry" you might say.. WOW did I have a few dark nights of the soul. I can tell you right now that if I hadn't started these anti anxiety and depression meds that I would have flat out FLIPPED. 5150. Panic Attack supreme. And I still almost did.
If you ever get them, and like me you are averse to DRs... look em up online. I did that, and I also called a local service called "Ask a Nurse".
Don't Touch.
Keep clean, washing many times daily with anti bacterial soap.
Don't Touch.
Keep covered, they are HIGHLY contagious.
Wash hands after dealing with it.
Don't TOUCH, Squeeze, push, pinch, spread, itch. No matter what.
Change clothes in the infected area daily, same with bed clothes.
Wash often in HOT, boiling if possible, water.
Don't share towels, razors, wash clothes, or any other hygiene items with anyone else.
And there are plenty more.
I'm finally feeling better. Besides the quarter sized DENT in my ass.. the last thing I'm dealing with is a TEENY TINY little one I thought I could man-handle and pop on my knee. DON'T do it. I woke up the next day barely able to walk. Thankfully, it too is healing.
I will tell you, I'm a very clean person. But my new room mate is not, and in the state of my depression I had gotten very lax.... ie, not showering every single day.. layin around in the same sweat pants for a few days.. not changing the sheets often enough. Well, lesson learned. We're back to healthy hygiene around here!
Hope to get back on schedule.
And hey, if you have a friend who might like my stories, please send them by. Would like to get a few readers so we can start some discussions, maybe some guest posting, or whatever can come of it. Thanks!
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Increase your Anxiety and Panic knowledge
because knowledge is power.
And just let me say, I make 4% on these amazon links if you buy something from my link. So if you think I"m pimping these books to get rich.. one of the best books on Anxiety is written by Claire Weekes. I think you can get a copy for about 4 bucks! An entire .16 cents for me. So no, I"m not randomly recommending books in an attempt to get rich.
That being said, I highly recommend the book, and listed are a few others that I own, and read regularly, and have kept me at least in a state where I could battle this disease for over 10 years without getting professional assistance.
Do I think I should have gotten help sooner. HELL YES. And I think you should too. But I know where you're at, and these are some great sources of information! And honestly... its information thats CHEAP compared to professional help.. and its PRICELESS compared to living in this hell.
If you knew something would help, would you not spend EVERYTHING to get over this? I know I would.. and I finally did. And I feel the hope.
Try these books. Go to Amazon and just look through the previews. YOu can learn a lot of what a book is about by the contents. Do yourself a favor. Get help, even on your own!
Agoraphobia: Simple, Effective Treatment
Simple, Effective Treatment of Agoraphobia
Look at all that help that can be had for less than LUNCH for two almost anywhere. Hey, I know what you're thinking.. when am I going to be having lunch for two.. I haven't been out to eat in YEARS. Well, you can! You need to understand that you can recover. Pick up some help you can afford!
Best to you.
PS. I am looking for blog topics. Would anyone like me to talk about something I'm going through, or something you might be going through? Or ask me a question? I'm no expert, yet I have been dealing with this disorder for over 10 years. Please drop me a line, or leave a comment below.
And just let me say, I make 4% on these amazon links if you buy something from my link. So if you think I"m pimping these books to get rich.. one of the best books on Anxiety is written by Claire Weekes. I think you can get a copy for about 4 bucks! An entire .16 cents for me. So no, I"m not randomly recommending books in an attempt to get rich.
That being said, I highly recommend the book, and listed are a few others that I own, and read regularly, and have kept me at least in a state where I could battle this disease for over 10 years without getting professional assistance.
Do I think I should have gotten help sooner. HELL YES. And I think you should too. But I know where you're at, and these are some great sources of information! And honestly... its information thats CHEAP compared to professional help.. and its PRICELESS compared to living in this hell.
If you knew something would help, would you not spend EVERYTHING to get over this? I know I would.. and I finally did. And I feel the hope.
Try these books. Go to Amazon and just look through the previews. YOu can learn a lot of what a book is about by the contents. Do yourself a favor. Get help, even on your own!
Agoraphobia: Simple, Effective Treatment
Simple, Effective Treatment of Agoraphobia
Look at all that help that can be had for less than LUNCH for two almost anywhere. Hey, I know what you're thinking.. when am I going to be having lunch for two.. I haven't been out to eat in YEARS. Well, you can! You need to understand that you can recover. Pick up some help you can afford!
Best to you.
PS. I am looking for blog topics. Would anyone like me to talk about something I'm going through, or something you might be going through? Or ask me a question? I'm no expert, yet I have been dealing with this disorder for over 10 years. Please drop me a line, or leave a comment below.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Day 3 of Meds (Lexapro and Xanax), Going pretty well
I know some of the big things that I worried about were side effects.
I'm really not feeling too many side effects, as listed in the drug pamphlets I was given, maybe a slight headache that has been associated with Lexapro, but its so small its hardly worth mentioning.
Also, I don't really feel out of it due to the Xanax.
As a whole, I do feel affected, kind of more relaxed, no real spikes or Panic attacks to speak of.. BUT I also am not pushing my boundaries nor working on my cognitive therapy tasks either. I'm sure we're going to get this medicine working against my tendency to have anxiety soon enough.
As far as depression, I really don't feel half bad in that regard... and I think it has to do with hope. I actually have some hope that this is going to get better. The ole placebo effect, because the Lexapro, as an SSRI, needs to build in your system for awhile before you begin to feel a difference.
But anyways, a report from day 3.. I am getting good rest, and spikes are down and almost non existent (again, not pushing any limits either) I even remained calm for the CENSUS lady.. and that is very irritating to me. Having our government need my name, birthday, address and everything else is way too invasive. Look, constitution says you get to COUNT. Here's the count here. ONE! BYE. But I digress.
Very hopeful that after I get these meds into my system, get my chemical balances a little more stable, that I can begin to get out and rebuild my life.
I am a complete advocate for getting off your ass and getting help! And I refused for 13 or more years, so believe me when I say, I was wrong. Don't let yourself get this far. There is no reason to live with these terrible feelings. Just asking and getting started is an enormous load off your shoulders and alone will make you feel lighter and hopeful.
Ciao for now.
I'm really not feeling too many side effects, as listed in the drug pamphlets I was given, maybe a slight headache that has been associated with Lexapro, but its so small its hardly worth mentioning.
Also, I don't really feel out of it due to the Xanax.
As a whole, I do feel affected, kind of more relaxed, no real spikes or Panic attacks to speak of.. BUT I also am not pushing my boundaries nor working on my cognitive therapy tasks either. I'm sure we're going to get this medicine working against my tendency to have anxiety soon enough.
As far as depression, I really don't feel half bad in that regard... and I think it has to do with hope. I actually have some hope that this is going to get better. The ole placebo effect, because the Lexapro, as an SSRI, needs to build in your system for awhile before you begin to feel a difference.
But anyways, a report from day 3.. I am getting good rest, and spikes are down and almost non existent (again, not pushing any limits either) I even remained calm for the CENSUS lady.. and that is very irritating to me. Having our government need my name, birthday, address and everything else is way too invasive. Look, constitution says you get to COUNT. Here's the count here. ONE! BYE. But I digress.
Very hopeful that after I get these meds into my system, get my chemical balances a little more stable, that I can begin to get out and rebuild my life.
I am a complete advocate for getting off your ass and getting help! And I refused for 13 or more years, so believe me when I say, I was wrong. Don't let yourself get this far. There is no reason to live with these terrible feelings. Just asking and getting started is an enormous load off your shoulders and alone will make you feel lighter and hopeful.
Ciao for now.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Anxiety Medication, Lexapro and Xanax
That's where I'm at. Woohoo. At yesterdays counseling session my therapist decided to check with a "crisis nurse" about speeding my my possibility of seeing a medical practicioner in order that I could get on medications.
This by itself just lets me know how serious my condition is, and is really quite a shock compared to how I've been rationalizing it to myself all these years.
Well, I got an appointment TODAY! Can you believe the luck. I was evaluated by a nurse who is able to prescribe, and as of now I am beginning Lexapro, which is in the class SSRI medications for Anxiety and depression, and have been placed on Xanax 3 times a day to get this darn stuff under control NOW so that these meds and counseling can begin to take effect.
It is a strange feeling of relief, and despair both, to hear from professionals that I am in fact very normal and intelligent, but that I have a disorder that I cannot nor would I ever have been able to fight on my own. I would normally take that personally, but honestly, I think I already knew that.
I know that the drugs used in these therapies are both praised and scorned. And I spent 10 years telling myself I didn't want to be "on drugs". And I welcome any comments from your experiences with these drugs, Lexapro and Xanax, but for me personally I have reached a point in my fight that ANYTHING is better than what I have dealt with for all these years. I am both relieved, and afraid of what is to come, but I am committed to change. PERIOD.
I find myself excited that it might be possible that I can feel a different way EVERY SINGLE DAY. I also strangely feel sad that I will be letting go of how I've felt for over 10 years. I know it's wrong to live such a difficult day to day existence, but it's what I know and what I've learned to handle, though the result is extremely limiting.
And I also wonder what I may be able to accomplish, even starting at 45 years of age. I'm not going to worry about the past 13 years and what might have been. I can accept that they are gone, and everything was not bad about them. But I had no chance of excelling or finding my potential and I find the thought exciting.
So, Lexapro #1 is down the hatch, and Xanax regularly, at least for now, down the hatch. This will be the first time I took Xanax twice in one day.
I feel really calm now. A lot of it is from the caring help and definitions and diagnosis I receive from my therapy team. Also, of course, I"m in my safe zone, with my safe people around, and I'm usually calm here anyways. But I like to think there's a little extra going on. And since it's too early to be feeling these meds, maybe its HOPE!
I know I want to cry.. and I'm not too sad.. so I think I am happy to feel hope.
If you're interested, I hope to keep up this effort, good or bad, so you can come along with me.
Today.. Happy.. A lil. Hopeful.. a lil.. Optimistic.. yes. No side effects .. yet! haha. YEAH
This by itself just lets me know how serious my condition is, and is really quite a shock compared to how I've been rationalizing it to myself all these years.
Well, I got an appointment TODAY! Can you believe the luck. I was evaluated by a nurse who is able to prescribe, and as of now I am beginning Lexapro, which is in the class SSRI medications for Anxiety and depression, and have been placed on Xanax 3 times a day to get this darn stuff under control NOW so that these meds and counseling can begin to take effect.
It is a strange feeling of relief, and despair both, to hear from professionals that I am in fact very normal and intelligent, but that I have a disorder that I cannot nor would I ever have been able to fight on my own. I would normally take that personally, but honestly, I think I already knew that.
I know that the drugs used in these therapies are both praised and scorned. And I spent 10 years telling myself I didn't want to be "on drugs". And I welcome any comments from your experiences with these drugs, Lexapro and Xanax, but for me personally I have reached a point in my fight that ANYTHING is better than what I have dealt with for all these years. I am both relieved, and afraid of what is to come, but I am committed to change. PERIOD.
I find myself excited that it might be possible that I can feel a different way EVERY SINGLE DAY. I also strangely feel sad that I will be letting go of how I've felt for over 10 years. I know it's wrong to live such a difficult day to day existence, but it's what I know and what I've learned to handle, though the result is extremely limiting.
And I also wonder what I may be able to accomplish, even starting at 45 years of age. I'm not going to worry about the past 13 years and what might have been. I can accept that they are gone, and everything was not bad about them. But I had no chance of excelling or finding my potential and I find the thought exciting.
So, Lexapro #1 is down the hatch, and Xanax regularly, at least for now, down the hatch. This will be the first time I took Xanax twice in one day.
I feel really calm now. A lot of it is from the caring help and definitions and diagnosis I receive from my therapy team. Also, of course, I"m in my safe zone, with my safe people around, and I'm usually calm here anyways. But I like to think there's a little extra going on. And since it's too early to be feeling these meds, maybe its HOPE!
I know I want to cry.. and I'm not too sad.. so I think I am happy to feel hope.
If you're interested, I hope to keep up this effort, good or bad, so you can come along with me.
Today.. Happy.. A lil. Hopeful.. a lil.. Optimistic.. yes. No side effects .. yet! haha. YEAH
Thursday, April 1, 2010
To call or not to call..
Of course I haven't called to get an appointment with the local mental health office yet.
I did spend about 2 hours on the internet reading about the different anxiety medications and how they worked, what the side effects might be, and etc.
Also I keep going back to the "programs" that are available. Has anyone tried any of these?
The one is Panic Away. Tons of people are selling this on affiliate programs. It looks ok, but of course they each pan each other so you don't know.
The other is The Linden Method. Seems a little more meaty, gives a little more information before you buy, but I'm not sure I believe any program that talks about such quick relief.
I found a 3rd program last night by searching youtube. I don't know the name but one of the guys URLs is ILOVEPANIC.com I think. He is a Belgian who has recovered from Anxiety and depression. Of course he has ALL the symptoms I have, and seems like he's talking JUST TO ME. Then I think..why wouldnt he? He's trying to sell me a program.
Has anyone used any of these? I do know that by just listening to a couple hours of advice and sales pitches, I do feel a little better and like I can brain-muscle my way out of this. Or should I just get the help?
I know that I don't have any readers, but here's hoping the right person comes along at the right time.
Maybe today.... I have the number out.
I did spend about 2 hours on the internet reading about the different anxiety medications and how they worked, what the side effects might be, and etc.
Also I keep going back to the "programs" that are available. Has anyone tried any of these?
The one is Panic Away. Tons of people are selling this on affiliate programs. It looks ok, but of course they each pan each other so you don't know.
The other is The Linden Method. Seems a little more meaty, gives a little more information before you buy, but I'm not sure I believe any program that talks about such quick relief.
I found a 3rd program last night by searching youtube. I don't know the name but one of the guys URLs is ILOVEPANIC.com I think. He is a Belgian who has recovered from Anxiety and depression. Of course he has ALL the symptoms I have, and seems like he's talking JUST TO ME. Then I think..why wouldnt he? He's trying to sell me a program.
Has anyone used any of these? I do know that by just listening to a couple hours of advice and sales pitches, I do feel a little better and like I can brain-muscle my way out of this. Or should I just get the help?
I know that I don't have any readers, but here's hoping the right person comes along at the right time.
Maybe today.... I have the number out.
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