Focusing on Panic Attacks and Anxiety

One of the reasons it has taken me so long to seek professional assistance is because of the ability I have of seeing my problem so clearly.

Now I know I can't see a chemical imbalance, but I see my part in creating it. (If there is in fact one present)

A perfect example is my last 4 days. I had a situation that created swelling around my tailbone and put an enormous amount of pressure around and on my sciatic nerve. I must say that it was one of the most painful 48 hours I have ever had. I passed a stone once, did it at home in my bathroom in the wee hours of the night, and it was awful but only lasted 3 hours. I think maybe this pain was slightly less sharp but the endurance and power it had over me was incredible.

Firstly.. I handled it. I have no idea what my anxiety could ever convince me to be afraid of when I handled the worst pain I can even imagine.

But more interestingly, I had a very low incidence of anxiety and panic during this 48 hours... and I believe it is wholly related to my focus during this time. I just didn't have the time to work up a good panic attack or stir up a good anxiety stew.

I've always been able to kind of seperate myself, get that view of myself, and I sit and watch myself conjure anxiety and panic from situations that I've decided are going to cause me problems. The catch.. I can't stop it. It's like I accept a rule that I wrote, even though I know its wrong and I'm the author and can change it.

Just my thought this weekend.. other than OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUCH.

Wondered what anyone else thinks of Focus and the part it may or may not play in this wonderful disease.