Finally, Appointment made..

Tomorrow at 12:30 I speak with someone at my county mental health organization. I was told over the phone that the waiting list to see a doctor for meds is over 6 months long. I find this very disappointing, though I will try to remain optimistic and positive. I realize this is a major contributor to my condition, having to have things go the way I've thought them through.

What does bother me though is that I feel like I've been working on myself HARD over the past 10 years. I read every book that I can get my hands on, trying to read the very latest published information. I've tried immersing myself into situations that cause me anxiety hoping I could desensitize myself. I've just had no luck.

I do hope that I can learn something from this though and start crawling my way out. As much as I've finally resigned to trying a medical regimen, mixed with cognitive therapy of course, I've long had a resistance to taking meds of this nature to control my anxiety. A couple reasons quickly, and not thoroughly, is that firstly I don't believe the true cure is in covering your symptoms but in learning the cause and eliminating them. Secondly, I've had this situation for almost 15 years. I know when/why/how etc I get these feelings, and there is no rhyme or reason relative to physical bodily symptoms, but more to exterior situations. I simply DECIDE what things are going to cause me anxiety. Of course those things happen, and of course I have anxiety. The trouble is I cannot STOP.

Anyways, 12:30. More to follow...