Help with Anxiety and Panic

Ok, I'm just going to say it.

I need a freakin kick in the ass.

I've been dealing with this crap for over 10 years, and as you know I've just started to seek professional assistance.

Here's the deal. My problem isn't knowing how or what to do to get over my anxiety disorder. Heaven knows I've read as much info as I can get my hands on over the years. At the rate my therapy is going I will need 20 more years of 1 hour every other week to get any further than I already am.

The wild card is the medical and drug therapy, and I am so anxious (pun intended) to try this method after 10 years of procrastination that I can't sit still. My tentative appointment is September 28th, and this is about as early as I can get in anywhere. Very frustrating.

But back to the deal. I know I need to get my ass OUT and challenge this stuff. I know I need to expand my limitations slowly, de-sensitize myself, change my self talk.. etc etc etc.
But I don't do it.
Is the anxious pain and fear worse than how I feel knowing I failed by not taking control of my own recovery from anxiety and panic attacks? I'm starting to think not. I'm getting really pissed off about it, and I"m kind of happy about it. Maybe this will get me motivated because I need to get off my ass.

I'm tired of not living.

This is bullshit.