People who are overweight very often are the first to know that they are eating too much. They know they're eating too much, and more than a few try to justify their eating, or blame their overweight condition on other factors.
Anxiety is the same way. I know what I'm feeling is irrational. I know there is no basis for how I feel except for psychological patterns I've established while in fear.
Right now it is raining with thunder and my greyhound is absolutely flipping out. Shaking so hard you think he's going to break, panting, drooling.. basically a panic attack. I know the thunder and rain is not going to hurt him. The rain and thunder has never hurt him. But at some time he has built an association of great fear to these factors, and it never lets him down. :(
So what happened to cause that situation in myself?
I am not sure what initiated the first instance for me, and that is probably a topic for textbooks and courses of study, but I think it boils down to heridity, personality type, and stressful circumstances just to name a few.
But I'm talking about perpetuation a situation that we know is false and harmful to our enjoyment of life. Here's how I know I built my own walls. Initially I was under great duress and panicked. Well, it's called the fight or flight response, and my personality is to flight. (Not an easy thing for a man to admit, and probably why the instance of Anxiety and Panic are not as high in men as in women... women are smarter!)
Well as you know, panic attacks are limited. If you don't fully understand this you need to know. Once you know that they cannot hurt you, and will not last forever (15 minutes usually) you've gained very important knowledge that will help you understand and defeat what is happening.
I have wandered, but here is what I believe happens to strengthen and TRICK you into this disease. You FLEE the situation, and of course your symptoms relax... both by leaving the dangerous situation(real OR imagined), plus your spike of bodily chemicals begins to burn off immediately (the 15 minute rule), and you feel better, RELIEF.
Your body physiology, and mental psychology will associate RELIEF with FLIGHT. Do this exercise a few thousand times and you've built yourself one serious problem.
Obviously I think the way out is the reverse of the way in. I'm going to have to stick myself right back in these situations and react to them differently, even if I have to fake it initially. And trust me, I do not think its going to be easy or fun.
The thing is, I could help myself immensely if I would think just that, FUN.. even if I have to convince myself the opposite of what I'm now naturally inclined to think... if you can call a false belief and reactionary system natural.
So, if like me, you've created a world, possibly an agoraphobic world, where you feel "ok" and are getting by.. you need to know that you're being TRICKED. If you are avoiding, fleeing, rationalizing, making deals.. etc (you know who you are) and not living the life you want to live, then no matter how you feel at the moment you are STILL under the effects of Anxiety and Panic Disorder. This has been the biggest realization for me in the beginning phases of treatment. Remember, I just thought I was high strung, and everything I avoided made me feel better. If you called me out on my avoidance, I had TONS of rationalizations! (excuses)
So when you're feeling that "tingle".. I know it sucks.. I know it is scary.. and even if you think you can't make it... try making it for another 2 or 3 minutes. I'm telling you that chemically you're already starting to feel better if you'd just pause a minute. Panic is a RIGHT NOW thing, because when it's legitimate, you need to act RIGHT NOW. But in situations you KNOW are not dangerous, you can afford to just sit and feel the excitement. Think of a roller coaster. The feeling of excitement and fear are almost identical! You'll find that the longer you continue the easier it will be. So just let it happen for a few minutes. Just one or two.. then since you're there, and feeling better, try one or two more.
I know its not that easy. I've known a lot of this for many years. The tricks my body plays on me are just the things I think I'm scared of the most. (passing out, mostly.. early on it was heart attacks) And try as I might, terrified is just something that's hard to give 2 or 3 minutes time to go away. But I know I'm going to have to... There are coping skills. I know some, and I hope to learn more, and I'll blog about them as I go.
Hopefully I"m helping or entertaining you.. someone.. helloo? Is this thing on?
Still optimistic... Very Optimistic today. Still no medical appointment, so no meds in the immediate future... and still optimistic. Will be challenging myself later today.. looking forward to it!!! (said almost with a straight face.
Hang in there.
Can't wait to read about the challenge.
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