Was it Abraham Lincoln who said...

"Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be" ?

I'm sure he also said...

"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt."

But you'll see that I intend to continue in spite of that warning.

My thought for today is about the feeling I've had after my first two therapy sessions where the only real therapy consists of me dumping my frustrations and problems on a 3rd party. My therapist Jane.

After my first 60 minute session, which as you can assume is mostly fact finding and evaluation, I had this relaxed, loose feeling for about 2 hours. I even went and picked up a few items at the Dollar Store by myself. I was distracted, relieved, kind of empty, and just generally in an open mood and I completed this task with relatively low anxiety.. and I mean relatively for an agoraphobic person with panic disorder.

After my second session of 30 minutes, which was mostly the same tactic of more feeling out and more evaluation, I maintained a reasonably non anxious state for the remainder of the afternoon, even in light of some things that usually cause me a little high anxiety or even panic.

I should mention that even though I have not been prescribed medication for these issues that I did obtain a small amount of Xanax and have taken .5mg of this medication to attend these sessions.

So... I'm sure the medication is affecting me, and if it can put a lid on these feelings for me then I wholly look forward to medical assitance with this disease..
But.. I think this more clearly shows that a lot of this anxiety and panic disorder issue has to do with what we choose to think about. Could it be that I just can't stop thinking in a certain way? More like an obsessive compulsive type disorder?

It sucks to be able to sit back and see what the heck you're doing, and how much control you have in making it happen, but NOT be able to control it in the other direction.

I'm thankful for my opportunity to change. Currently optimistic.